laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize