so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
