i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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