oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
