Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
