Screwed.edu
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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