That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
