I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
