I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
