Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
