There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
