Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
