Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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