My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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