He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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