her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
