i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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