why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
