If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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