i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
