remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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