At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
