life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
