you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
