my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
