I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
