great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
