Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
