woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
