I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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