Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
