Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
