a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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