I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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