There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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