I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
