I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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