Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
