I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
