The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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