I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
