I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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