i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
