my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
