I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
