i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
