I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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