Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
