Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
