with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize