I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
