did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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