If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
