hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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