you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
