I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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