Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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