Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
