Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
