So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
