No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So much Jack, so little girl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need water and some morals
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize