my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
