There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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