You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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