How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
