Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
