she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
