Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
